Dear One,

Recently I have been going through profound changes, and I sense that all the pieces of the puzzle are  finally coming together.
What I have been experiencing I am putting together into this direction map.  I am calling it:
 
"The HeART of  LOVING."   Please join me on this journey for falling in love with yourself.
 
These are the land marks, the directions,  BUT LOVE IS NOT THE DESTINATION…IT IS THE WAY.
 
EMMANUEL HAS SAID:  “LOVE YOURSELF AND YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR PURPOSE AND YOUR WAY.”
 
1.   It is true that my distortions, and my belief in my wounding has created a magnet that has attracted others who will mirror back to me what I believe are my “faults / lacks.”  Those that I meet and have these “conflicts” with are my soul’s assignments to help me understand that
 
“SELF -CASTIGATION IS NOT HOLY WORK.”
 
2.   Give yourself time to look over your life and your relationships and the “beautiful problems” that you have struggled with.  Please take the time to write down these challenges and also those with whom you have experienced these conflicts. Our problems are created from the insistent belief that we are our “WOUNDINGS”.  It is our defensive behavior created to avoid feeling the original pain that is responsible for our suffering.   We insist on recreating these relationships because we  believe that we “WILL” overcome them with our WILL AND OUR PRIDE. (Pathwork lecture 73)
 
3.   This “WILL” not happen until we “care front” that part of ourselves that we judge as our “Dark Side / Lower Self.”  Care fronting is the word I use for allowing these parts of our denied self to become conscious.  Until we learn to embrace and then to lovingly accept the part of ourselves that we have rejected change will not occur. We “WILL” keep on meeting others with the same beliefs and “broken parts”.  These people mirror back to us and assure us of fear’s greatest teachings: we are damaged, we will never manifest our dreams, and we are alone and separate.
 
4.   What is very clear to me is that I have never really understood “FORGIVENESS”, or actually the importance of the word ACCEPTANCE. The first healing step for me, (beyond years of commitment to the teachings of spirit) was to realize and accept that I was no longer willing to believe in my shadow self.  I had forgotten an essential truth: I WAS NOT MY LOWER SELF. This forgotten and rejected self is fear’s creation to keep me out of the oneness and in the illusion.   That I was separate from G-d was truly the greatest illusion that fear had taught me. 
 
5.   My next step was to intentionally undo the insistence and the insanity of my ego. How could I be all that my ego was whispering, and still make supportive and loving choices? Emmanuel said:
 
“YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM OF YOUR FEAR YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF IT.”  
PAY ATTENTION:  THIS MARKS THE EXIT SIGN WHERE WE GET OFF.
 
6.   What was true?  Somewhere I read that:
 
“THOSE  WHO FORGIVE THEMSELVES ARE THOSE WHO ARE WILLING TO RELEASE THEMSELVES  FROM ILLUSION.”

       I began to really understand from a core knowing that this human incarnation was about healing this split….there was no separation, I am  the “I AM”.  G-d has never left me.  I had left G-d.  I realized that all my years of study had left me with a profoundly articulate “understanding” of incarnation and my spiritual journey.   I had the conceptual knowledge and not the wisdom.  The wisdom, which is the integrated “experience” kept eluding me.
 
INTENT MUST BE MARRIED TO ACTION….IF NOT, NOTHING CHANGES.
 
7.   Marianne Williamson wrote:  “The sun eclipsed is not a sun forever hidden.”   I no longer want to eclipse my sun…my heart…and my light.  I do not want to hide my love or gratitude.
 
8.    My desire to share my “light” has informed my intention for this love letter:  It is a love letter to Pat.
 
 
   Dearest Pat,
 
    I want to share with all who have known us, my gratitude to you, Pat.  It is two years since you went “Home.”
    I feel your spiritual presence with me more and more, as I feel the loss of our physical connection.  There is a deep bond, a tie that is always present.  I can see and appreciate now that this relationship was also our souls’ assignment...to see beyond our physical bodies, and to invite our angels in.  What a gift…what fun…what joy and what a delicious relationship we shared as we travelled the universe as the chalices of spirit’s teachings.

    I was looking at some pictures of us…and found this letter that you wrote to me, and reading it, I remembered the perfection of our relationship.
 
 
pat-and-barbara
 
“To Barbara,
 
 If anyone had asked me when I was a little kid, to design a perfect friend, I would have given an absolute description of you. I would have said:
 “First she has to think I am funny, and I have to think she is funny. Then we have to share the same passion for Truth, love, beauty and integrity. Then she has to have a sense of adventure and a robust willingness to
“WALK WHERE ANGELS BECKON”….
And then she has to be the one person I can say anything to knowing I’ll never be judged and who trusts me in the same way. She has to be someone I can be scared with and brave with… and still have a good time.
 
 Thank you Barbara, the Angels must have always known… Because here you are.  I love you.”
 Pat.
 
 
I have been sitting with this description of our relationship. What a simple reminder of what an intimate relationship needs to offer each partner. Pat, thank you for reminding me, and giving me an opportunity to share with you the reality of a loving relationship for over thirty years.
What I miss so much today is the loving mirror that you held up for me so that I could remember who I am.
I miss you, and I know that our love is eternal.

"Death is the end of a lifetime, not the end of a relationship." -- Mitch Albom

Happy Birthday Pat, dear friend of my heart.
 

Will you sit with me in silence, breathing in the love that surrounds us when we choose to let go of fear’s hand.
I offer you this prayer.

DEAR G-D.
HELP US TO SEE THE LIGHT IN EVERYONE.
HELP US TO OPEN OUR HEARTS TO OUR HUMANNESS
HELP US TO SEE BEYOND OUR PHYSICAL BEINGS INTO OUR ETERNAL CONSCIOUSNESS.
HELP US TO REMEMBER WHO WE ARE.
AND PLEASE DEAR G-D LET EACH OF US, (IN THIS LIFETIME)
EXPERIENCE THE JOY AND DELIGHT OF LOVING.
 
WITH GRATITUDE AND AWE
BARBARA

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